Motorcycles

Ride. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

The Rules that Have Kept Me Alive on a Motorcycle

Always assume other drivers can't or don't see you.

Just because a driver is looking at you, doesn't mean that the driver sees you.

Always assume other drivers are going to do something wrong or stupid. Try to avoid being one of the "other" drivers!

Drivers making a left turn are the most dangerous.

Rush hour drivers all feel that one minute of their time is more important than your life.

All drivers think it is safe to pull out of their driveways without looking.

The likelihood that a driver will make a sudden left turn or lane change increases dramatically as you prepare to pass.

On one way streets, it is the driver in the furthest right lane who will most need to make a left turn.

Every intersection is a race for your life. Remember: At the turn of the 20th century there were only two cars in all of Kansas and they collided at an intersection!

Basically, assume that all drivers are out on the road trying to kill you. Submitted for your consideration--Rep. Bill Janklow of South Dakota!

Never let anyone convince, coerce, or shame you into riding without a helmet. There is no ride straight enough, short enough, or slow enough to be safe. I've seen riders killed while standing still at a stoplight when they were knocked over and hit their heads on the pavement!

Never get in a hurry. Never be afraid to slow down. Better to avoid an accident than to be in one.

Superior riders use superior knowledge and superior experience to avoid situations that require superior skill.

Never ride when you are too tired, hungry, or thirsty. You can pay attention or you can pay an undertaker.

Never argue with an 18-wheeler, especially around interstate on ramps.

The longer you take to pass an 18-wheeler, the more likely it is that one of its tires will explode just as you pull up along side.

Never ride in someone's blind spot. If you can't see the driver's face in the side mirror, then the driver can't see you.

Never be too proud to unlearn an old habit.

Never be too proud to take a motorcycle training course.

Just because you knew how to ride a 175cc when you were 19 doesn't mean you know how to ride a "Fat Boy" at 49.

Always ride straight and sober. Keep 8 hours between bottle and throttle. Thirty-one percent of all traffic fatalities and 41% of holiday traffic fatalities involve alcohol.

Drivers talking on cell phones are just as dangerous as drunk drivers.

Never outrun your headlight. Deer and other animals will always insist on the right of way.

Don't just dress for the ride; dress for the fall.

There's no satisfaction in being right if you are dead right.

Keep less experienced riders near the front and more experienced riders at the back of a group ride. The last rider in a group always has to drive 80 to keep up with a lead rider who is going 65.

Never outrun your skill level. Drop out of the group and enjoy the peace and solitude of a solo ride.

Slow drivers will always speed up as you try to pass them. Fast drivers will always slow down once they pass and pull in front of you.

Things My Motorcycle Has Taught Me

The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.

People ask us why we ride a motorcycle. For those who have experienced the joy, no explanation is necessary; for those who have not, no explanation is possible.

I'd rather be riding my motorcycle and thinking about God, than sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle.

Four wheels move the body; two wheels move the soul.

Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle.

Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 60 mph!

You start the game of life with a full pot o' luck and an empty pot o' experience. The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck.

If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.

Midnight bugs taste just as bad as Noon time bugs.

Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.

Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.

Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.

Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.

Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.

Never do less than forty miles before breakfast.

A bike on the road is worth two in the shed.

Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling and lived, and still rides.

Young riders pick a destination and go. Old riders pick a direction and go.

A good mechanic will let you watch without charging you for it.

Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.

Always back your bike into the curb and sit where you can see it.

There are drunk riders and there are old riders, but there are not many old, drunk riders.

Ride to work. Work to ride.

Whatever it is, it's better in the wind.

Two-lane blacktop isn't a highway - it's an attitude.

When you look down the road, it seems to never end - but you better believe it does!

Winter is Nature's way of telling you to test the electrics.

Keep your bike in good repair. Motorcycle boots are not all that comfortable for walking.

People are like Motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently.

Sometimes, the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.

When you're riding lead, don't spit.

A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2 a.m. to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.

Catching a yellow jacket in your shirt @ 70 mph can double your vocabulary.

There's something ugly about a NEW bike on a trailer

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.

If you can't get it going with bungee cords and duct tape, it's serious.

If you ride like there's no tomorrow, there may not be.

The best modifications cannot be seen from the outside.

Always replace the cheapest parts first.

You can forget what you do for a living when your knees are in the breeze.

Only a Biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.

Keep the paint up, and the rubber down!

There are two types of people in this world, people who ride motorcycles and people who wish they could ride motorcycles.

Motorcycle Q & A

Q: What is the difference between an old time chopper and a Hoover vacuum cleaner?
A: The location of the dirt bag.

Q: What do an old hound dog and an old motorcycle have in common?
A: They both like to ride in the backs of pickup trucks.

A What in the Dickens Christmas Carol

'Twas the night before Christmas, and not until Spring

Would a motor be running, not even a Wing.

The bikes are all sleeping, they're covered and warm;

Batteries are tended, nylon covers their form.

My Bros were all nestled down snug in their beds,

While visions of new chrome danced in their heads.

And I in my doo-rag, bike jacket and boots,

Was out shoveling snow, and dreaming of scoots.

Then from the horizon there came such a clatter

My shovel I dropped--what could be the matter?

Away up the hill, I slogged through the snow

Looked up at the sky; where'd all that noise go?

Then a throb from the heavens, like straight pipes so hearty

Gave Summer's good thoughts, a loud Bikers' party.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a Hog Ultra Classic, red trailer in rear!

With a little old rider, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!

More rapid than V-Rods his Ultra came on,

And he whistled, and shouted, and sang out this song;

"Now, Springer! Now, Dyna! Now, Road King and Geezer!

On Vulcan! On Trumpet! On Vict'ry and Beezer!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall,

Now RIDE away! RIDE away! RIDE away all!"

As small bikes that from the semis do fly,

When they meet with the air blast, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top that Ultra it flew

With a trailer of goodies, and ole' St. Nick too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The rumble and thunder of pipes that gave proof.

I ran in the house, boots thumping around,

And in came St. Nick all bearded and round.

Dressed all in black leather, from do-rag to boot,

His chaps were all tarnished with road grime and soot;

A T-bag of goodies he'd flung on his back

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His shades -- how they twinkled! his do-rag how scary!

With chains intertwined, through skulls that were cherry!

His droll little mouth had Gold Teeth that did glow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

Anti-Smoking Laws didn't give him any grief!

He had a broad face and a large fat beer belly

That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was tattooed and plump, a right jolly old slider,

So I tossed a cold Bud--hey, what could be righter?

A wink of his eye as he downed that cold beer,

Gave me to know I had nothing to fear.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to my ride

And fixed it with Chrome, Horsepower, and Pride.

And giving the peace sign with a Biker's good cheer,

Strode off to his Ultra that was rumbling near.

He sprang on the saddle, his gloves on the bars,

A wheelie he threw; then was off towards the stars.

And I heard him exclaim, as he rode off on that Glide

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD RIDE!!!

Harley-Davidson 100th Anniversary Trivia

Here are some U.S. statistics for 1903....

The first Harley-Davidson was manufactured. Also, the Wright brothers flew their first airplane and Henry Ford started making cars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The average life expectancy in the US was forty-seven (47).
Only 14 Percent of the homes in the US had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone, and a three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was 30.
More than 95 percent of all births in the US took place at home.
Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason.
The five leading causes of death in the US were: (1) Pneumonia and influenza, (2) Tuberculosis, (3) Diarrhea, (4) Heart disease, and (5) Stroke.
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
Canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
One in ten US adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health."
Eighteen percent of households in the US had at least one full-time servant or domestic.
There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire US.

The Harley 10 Commandments

The one true American-made motorcycle is the Harley Davidson, and thou shalt not put no other motorcycles before it.
Thou shalt not bow down and worship nor serve the God of Chrome; for, lo, he is a false god and will not get thy butt home.
Honor thy authorized dealers and the motorcycles they sell, that thy days may be long and fruitful in the land of Harley.
Remember the weekend, and keep it open. For it is written, five days shalt thou labor, and for two days shalt thou ride thy Harley, drink beer, and have some FUN.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Harley, nor her manservant, nor her maidservant, nor her ox, nor her cute little butt.
From the throne of thine Harley, thou shalt not stoop to wave at sinners who ride Japanese bikes, for they are known to be the handiwork of the devil.
Thou shalt not pass by nor turn away from thy brother Harley rider who is in mechanical distress.
Thou shalt not pose. Verily, I say unto you, it is easier for a poser to pass his platinum credit card through the eye of a needle than to enter into the true fellowship of Harley-Davidson heaven.
When riding thy Harley on the Road of Life, thou shalt not whine nor snivel, and thou shalt not suffer to ride alongside those who do.
Park not thy Harley in the darkness of thine garage, that it may collect dust for want of being oft ridden. Ride thy Harley with thy Harley brethren, and rejoice in the spirit of the road and the wind.

From the About.com Motorcycle forum. Submitted by HDSportBabe.

You Might Be a Poser If...

Katie from the About.com Harley-Davidson web site

You spit out the bug that just flew in your mouth.
You spend more time shining your bike than riding it.
You're too cool to wave at the kids in the mom-mobile in front of you.
You grab for your hairbrush before your old lady.
You take your bike into the shop for oil changes.
Your $500 boots aren't scuffed from riding.
You think that a kick-starter is a mocha latte.
You set at least one mirror, if not both, to reflect yourself.
Your saddle bags say "Gucci".
You carry a lap-top in your saddle bags.
Your tattoos wash off.
You put your pony-tail back in the drawer after you get home.
You won't ride down a gravel road.
You've never seen a sunrise from two wheels.

Here's a few I would add

You only ride on weekends, when you can.
You never ride to work.
All your leathers match.
There are no wrinkled, faded, creased, or scratched areas on your leathers.
You don't own a rain suit.
You've ridden to more than two bars in one day--and you don't drink when you ride.
You've never ridden long enough to know that stock seats are never comfortable.
You've never had to replace a worn out tire.
You've had to replace your tires, but because they were too old and not too worn.
You like to ride by stores with big picture windows so you can admire your reflection.
Your longest road trip this year was to Hooter's for bike night.

Chrome and Reproductive Fitness

A while back I was involved in an email exchange with Rob (DirtRoad) Woodall about chrome. Rob is an addictions counselor and I suggested that he could perhaps help me with my addiction to chrome. This was his reply.

I've decided that the whole chrome thing is actually an adaptive behavior with biological origins. See, chrome is shiny, therefore it gets noticed. Bikers with LOTS of chrome are that much more likely to attract attention. The more attention we attract, the less likely we are to be run over by a distracted cager, hence the more likely we are to survive long enough to mate. If we survive long enough to mate, we pass on this adaptive trait to our offspring, better preparing them for survival.

"Chromaphobes" have a lower chance of passing on their genetic programming in this dangerous modern world. Of course, they currently outnumber "chromaphiles," as chromaphobia was an adaptive behavior in the distant past when giant predators roamed the earth. In the age of the dinosaur, chrome attracted the attention of the mighty Tyrannosaur, and actually decreased survival probability. Witness, for example the complete lack of chrome on the police model motorcycles in "The Flintstones."

In this current time of bio-social change (certain traits of which were noticed by Durkheim and labeled "anomie") people with the older adaptive trait are still the majority, subconsciously realize they are being supplanted by a newer, more adaptive trait, and lash out, labeling the new trait "bad," or in a worst case, "addiction."

Fear not, however. "Chrome won't get you home, but it will get you laid," therefore, our traits will be passed to the next generation, while theirs will eventually drop out of the main stream of society.

Eventually, chromaphobia, like other maladaptive traits will be limited to isolated communities in the Appalachian mountains, northern Iraq, the Ukraine, and similar places. The more adaptive chromaphilia will prevail as a new social norm.

You can see a picture of Rob and his bike at http://www.CruiserCustomizing.com/DirtRoad

You might be a motorcyclist if ...

You have a tattoo of your bike's name, but not your significant other.
You're more likely to spend extra money on chrome than your family.
You think we should change the national anthem to "Freebird."
Your best friends are named after animals.
Your best shoes have steel toes.
Every left shoe you own has a black spot on it from the shift lever.
You owned three different bikes before you ever owned a car.
You think Easy Rider has held up pretty well after all these years.
When you refer to Captain America, you mean the bike and not the comic book hero.
You know that Marlon Brando rode a Triumph in The Wild Ones and not a Harley-Davidson.
You also know that it was Lee Marvin who rode the Harley in The Wild Ones.
You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher.
Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbed wire.
You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste.
You're only sunburned on the back of your hands and neck.
You carry around a crushed beer can in case you have to park your bike on hot asphalt.
You pull your bike into the motel room and use a bath towel to wipe it off.
Your significant other (SO) has to climb over your bike to do the laundry in the basement.
You don't know how to do laundry, but you have 4 different kinds of cleaner for your bike.
You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet.
You wave at bikers even when you're in your car.
Your other vehicle is a truck equipped with a motorcycle ramp.
Your three piece suit consists of leather chaps, a leather vest, and a leather jacket.
Your other suit is a rain suit.
You wake up next to your SO and your first thought is if your bike will start.
You know the real name for the passenger seat and its not pillion.
You insist on taking the back roads so no one will see you riding in the passenger seat.
You know where Sturgis is.
You take your kids for a ride on your bike before they can walk.
You can't remember your kids' birthdays, but you can remember that Harley-Davidson made the Flathead, Kucklehead, Panhead, Shovelhead, Evolution, Twin Cam 88, and Revolution engines.
You can't remember your anniversary, but you remember that Sturgis is the first week in August.
You are currently wearing two or more articles of clothing that have a Harley-Davidson label in them.
Folks at the Harley store know you by name.
The folks at the Harley store know it's you on the phone because they recognize the sound of your voice.
You have your own coffee cup at the Harley store.

Motorcycle tools

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats, rubber hoses, and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. Also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads when pliers are unavailable. Can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools used to transform human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion. The more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your garage. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16" or 1/2" socket you've been trying to find for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say "Ouch...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward.

Top 10 signs a computer is owned by a Harley rider:

10. The monitor & CPU have been repainted orange and black.
9. System sound effects now play a Harley kicking over when a program starts.
8. There's an oil stain on the floor just below the computer.
7. Number key pad only goes up to two.
6. Password is "WillieG".
5. The mouse is referred to as "the Rat".
4. There is a Skoal can mounted in the CD-ROM drive.
3. Expansion slots have Genuine Harley-Davidson bike parts installed in them.
2. The keyboard is mounted at the level of the user's chin and his seat tilts backward - ape-hanger keyboard!
And the Number 1 sign that a computer is owned by a Harley Driver: A half-naked, big-breasted "warrior princess" and her tiger have been airbrushed onto the sides of the monitor!